Currently:

Christian
Wanting to buy moar airsoft
UBER tired
Out of school, looking for job
Wanting an HDTV
Wishing I had a seXbox Live wireless adapter
Laughing at the blatant hypocrisy of everyone on the planet


Year One:
So, I went to see Year One.

It was... decent. Deserved more than a PG-13 rating though... that or the world is going to hell.

Critics around the intrawebs have been giving it poor reviews, and have generally given it a C rating. I give it a shoddy B.

Basically, there is this villiage of brutes out in the forest, where a hunter named Zed (Jack Black) and a gatherer named Oh (Michael Cera) live. They are friends, dur. Oh likes a girl named Eema, and Zed likes a woman named Maya. One day, Zed decides that the mediocrity of day-to-day living becomes boring, and he eats a forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and Evil or summat. People back in the tribe find out about it and banish Zed from the village - but not before the stumbling oaf lights the village on fire by accident. Oh goes with Zed, as the village has been leveled.

They live in the wilderness for a while, and stumble across the farmlands of Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam and Eve. Cain kills Abel over something stupid, convinces the barbarians not to tell anyone, and brings them back to his village for dinner. Zed tries to bone Adam's daughter, but she's apparently a lesbian. Meanwhile, Oh sleeps next to Adam's nasty ass son who keeps farting and shit.

Th next day, Adam and some of the townsfolk go looking for Cain (he's dead, so they got worried about him). They find him, and since Abel was the only other person out in the field when Cain died, he is rightfully blamed. Abel runs away with Zed and Oh, and they end up going to a town in the desert.

In this desert town, Oh and Zed find Eema and Maya. They try to buy them, but to get rid of Oh and Zed, Abel sells them to the slaver. They get dragged through the desert with the rest of Zed and Oh's former villagemates, until they are ambushed by a group of Sodomites. Zed and Oh escape, and they overhear that the Sodomites are going to... well... Sodom.

When Oh and Zed finally go to Sodom, they meet up with Abel - with all apparently been forgiven - and join the city guard. They do some more random stuff. At this point, I took a piss.

When I came back, Zed was wearing a robe, and had just found Maya. For some reason, Oh was one of those golden statue guys. They also find Eema, big shocker. Zed saves her from being raped/killed, tells her to stay with Oh, and goes and hangs out with the princess of Sodom.

She ends up trying to kill Zed by telling him to go into the Holy of Holies (shortly followed by a "Poley of Pollies" joke), a room where the gods were said to inhabit, and that anyone other than the high priest who entered the room would die instantly. Of course, Zed doesn't die, and apparently Oh escaped the main ballroom and hid in the Holy of Holies. They get captured by the guards for some reason and become slaves again.

Speed ahead a bit, Zed is now working on a tower thing, and Oh has gone to see the sacrifice to the gods, which is going to be the princess of Sodom, as well as Eema and Maya. Zed, seeing the woman he loves about to be sacrificed, manages to break down half of the walkway on the tower while trying to get to the sacrifice stage. He gets up on the stage and starts fighting people, Oh grabs Eema and they bump uglies, and Zed wins the battle.

In the end, Zed and Maya decide to travel the world, and Oh decides to be the new king of Sodom (since the last one was killed in the battle by his own guards). Then the movie abruptly... ends.


For a PG-13 movie, there were a TON of sexual references/humor in it. Eema pretends to jerk off two spears, the daughter of Adam and Eve is a lesbian, etc, etc. I don't think it could have rated an "R" rating, but I think PG-13 was a bit too low (13 year olds shouldn't know half the stuff that was said in this movie...). If there was a step in between, like PG-15 or something, that would be what I'd set it at.


Official grade: B-
Recommended to watch: Yes